These last 2 weeks have been tough. One day I woke up and my computer was sick. Then 2 days later I woke up with pink eye.

Or at least I thought it was pink eye.

Not sure what it was, but it sucked. After 7 days, 2 doctor visits (urgent care and my Ophthalmologist), 2 sets of drops, some baby shampoo, no contacts for 10 days and staying indoors avoiding light like a vampire..I finally feel 100%. Not feeling and looking your best sucks. I got a few side eyes and weird looks with one bloodshot eye. But pain is temporary and I’m thankful that it’s gone from my eye. While I was locked away under the weather, I had a chance to brainstorm about the direction I want to take my career and life over the next 6 months. One of the main ones is graduate school. I’ve started the process of applying before, but I couldn’t make up my mind about going vs. not going. I’ve looked at MBA programs and MFA in Advertising programs. I want to go part time or weekends and work full time, not online. That much is for sure. Adult decisions are tough, but that’s life.

Another thing I really thought about with my eye in pain is fear. It’s an emotion that we grow into. I don’t remember not wanting to play outside or not try out for things because I was scared I wouldn’t make it or wondered what others would think. I was watching Toddlers and Tiaras the other day and this 3 year old was just standing there digging in her nose in public. Of course, she didn’t know that you shouldn’t do that in public, but she was unembarrassed and unashamed. Those must be feelings that we grow into as well. Her mother was embarrassed and made a joke out of her behavior, but the girl was fearless. I remember wearing 2 different color socks and alternating them in elementary school because I liked them. I wasn’t too phased by what anyone else thought. Even now, I do many things by myself like running, shopping, and going to the movies because I enjoy my own company. Of course, some see this as “odd” but I try not to let that bother me. It makes me feel good 🙂 How do we get back to that mindset? That childlike fearlessness. I want to be back there. I don’t want to stop trying even if I feel discouraged. Everyone in our lives serves a different purpose, and not everyone is going to support you. I’m talking family, friends, coworkers you name it. Some pretend, but they really don’t. Others have favorites and maybe we aren’t #1 to them, but favor isn’t fair and I understand and accept that. What’s for me is for me and no one else!

But anyway, I’m better and I’m back and not going anywhere for the time being.

Oh, and I found this great pick me up book at Barnes and Noble. It’s a checklist where you check off all of the things you are good at. It definitely lifted my spirit on many locked up pink eye days. Check it out if you need a pick me up too:

taken with Instagram